Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Stop the xenophobic mass murderers in Scotland


Who is to say Red Squirrels are better than Gray Squirrels? They're both skinny little rat like things.

And another thing - how can the world ever get along when the English insist on spelling things wrong? The crayon in the Crayola box was "gray" not "grey."

And yet another thing - all manner of European vermin were introduced into North America, so it's only fitting that tough American gray squirrels managed to make their way over to England where they have been kicking ass on their red cousins.

And a final thing - I bought my last ever pack of cigarettes a little while ago. I'm only allowed five butts today. I'm feeling about the way Cujo did when he first started noticing how tasty looking the legs of the children seemed. Along about the day after tomorrow I'll be ready to go over there to Scotland and bite the heads off as many gray squirrels as they want.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Quite frankly, I think you would have been better off going cold turkey. The anticipation of having your last cigarette just seems to be aggravating your situation. But I really do have empathy for what you're going through.

As for the mass culling. Unless the grey squirrel is going to damage the ecosystem to a degree that the red squirrel does not, is there any harm in allowing nature to run it's course by letting the grey squirrel replace the red squirrel?

Your mention of squirrels made me think of the young pair who have taken up residence in our tree. They were born last spring and are not the sharpest tools in the shed. You have to see the nest they've been building...and rebuilding...and rebuilding. It seems like they just can't get it right, so every time there's rain or snow, the nest begins to collapse and fall apart. But I guess young love helps to keep their nest warm.

I just hope they're better at parenting than they are at building nests.

As for biting the heads off of squirrels. Ozzie Osbourne did that with a bat during one of his concerts. Turns out the bat was rabid and Ozzie had to get rabies shots.

I would seriously recommend having cooked squirrel stew as an alternative. ;)