Some policemen have no sense of humor

http://billingsgazette.net/articles/2009/01/29/news/wyoming/26-ifyouwannaride.txt

They're taking all the fun out of life.

Meanwhile, is this a great country or what? The other day Bank of America offered me a loan at zero interest until next January. Most of these sorts of offers have a semi-hidden transaction charge of 3%, but this one had a maximum transaction charge of $75 so I naturally called them and snarfed up on the maximum amount they were eager to give me.

There was one catch though. The fussy bankers wouldn't let me use the attached check to pay off the 2.99 percent loan that they so graciously gave me last January. But they had no problem with sending the cash to my checking account. And they have no problem with me paying off last year's loan from that checking account. Because they've been so nice I may put the remainder in a nice safe 4% CD with Bank of America and make a few hundred bucks on their money. That's some small change I can certainly believe in. You'll never catch me saying that those TARP funds the government has been showering on the banks aren't going to good causes.

I'm sure Bank of America is very wise and prudent in it's lending practices, so I didn't feel it necessary to mention to the nice woman on the phone that rising unemployment levels have a pretty negative effect on the job market for corporate recruiters like me. I'm hoping that next January they'll actually pay me interest to take a new loan to pay off this one.

Disclaimer - Don't do this at home unless you are very reliable in opening your mail and paying bills on time. Nice bankers like those at Bank of America get very nasty very quickly if you miss a credit card payment.

You say that I may get in trouble kiting credit lines like this. There's an old, old story that's relevant.

Once upon a time a new prisoner was sent to the death row section of a Sultan's prison. The other prisoners, who were pretty negative about their situation, noticed that this new fellow was as optimistic as could be.

"You're doomed just like us," the other prisoners said, "so why are you so cheerful?"

"Because I made a deal with the Sultan," he said, "I got him to agree to grant me a pardon if I can do him a little service by this time next year."

"What service can you possibly do him," they asked.

"I agreed to teach his horse to sing," he replied, and that explained to them why every day this new prisoner spent an hour in the courtyard of the prison talking and singing to the horse.

"But you're never going to be able to teach that horse to sing," one of the very negative prisoners said, "it's hopeless."

"Ah, but it isn't hopeless," said the man, "for many things can happen in a year."

"What sort of things," they asked.

"Well, for one thing, I might die sometime during this next year;" he said, "and for another thing the Sultan might die, or he might get a new concubine who will brighten his mood and cause him to issue pardons; and who knows, maybe the horse actually will learn to sing."

If the banks are short of cash to lend why. . .

If the banks are so short of cash to lend why have I continued to ger the usual mailings offering cheap credit over the past couple of weeks?

One bank sent me a letter saying we're pre-qualified for a second morgage of up to $150,000 at a 4.5% rate which can't be adjusted for two years. Several others have sent me their usual envelopes of pre-printed checks offering loans at zero interest for the next six months. One offered to double the limit on our present credit card with them, and offered to guarantee an interest rate of 4.9% for the life of the loan if it's used to pay off another credit card. Reading them carefully, as I always do, I find, that most of the loans are not really at zero interest because there is a 3% processing charge up front, but one of them offered the old sweet deal of a flat maximum $75 up front processing charge.

Are these offers the last trumpetings of rampaging brain shot elephants? Are they the last reflexive tail twitchings of headless snakes?

I'm looking at an offer of up to $30,000 that just came yesterday, a day after congress failed to pass the bailout bill that the banks supposedly need to keep the financial system from collapsing. It's from Capital One, which proclaims that "As of 09/23/08, our records show you've earned this offer for a 0% APR on balance transfers and 0% APR on purchases until January 2010." Capital One is one of the greedy ones that charge 3% up front, so I'll probably throw their offer away eventually; but then again maybe I'll save it for a few days against the possibility that I don't get a better offer and the stock market really tanks, tanks to a level which makes it irresistible. After all, somebody has to patriotically support the market when the whole world is fully in insane panic mode and well run companies in recession resistant industries are selling for five or eight times solid earnings. Just for comparison the S&P average is now at about 20 times trailing earnings.

Sometimes the banks make kiting credit so cheap that it makes sense; but don't even think about trying this at home unless you're very disciplined about promptly paying the minimum amount monthly, and you also have another safety valve line of credit available in the event the mail gets lost or something else like that. This is a game that needs both a belt and suspenders because such offers always carry the threat of reverting to something like Capital One's 24.9% rate if you miss or are late with two payments.